There is a saying about the clouds parting and everything becoming clearer.
My mind’s fog lifts and an eery clarity is found in my mind’s eye.
There is a little person with evil laughing eyes crouching behind my head.
She is in my head and outside of it at the same time.
She has an ugly face and pointy nose.
She is a he as well.
It is a beast.
The little beast peels away the protective layer from my skin’s nerve endings.
Dark thoughts float down and land on my skin.
I watch them land, like snowflakes, one at a time.
I can feel every thought on every end of every nerve.
It stings and bites and I want to smack it and scratch it away.
I try to focus elsewhere, but there is no sense trying.
The beast is a force stronger than any will power, or distraction.
Just to see it’s face. I am petrified.
I pull out weapons I am ashamed of.
To escape his talons, a pill or puff or sip help blur out his face.
I want to numb the skin before the stinger penetrates any further.
Nothing helps. I wait. I hope.
Maybe it won’t come again.
One more little blue pill to make me sleep.
That is my temporary escape.
Away from the beast that hates me.
Morning will come and I pray that the beast will remain in it’s cave.
One day at a time they say.