This is probably the worst metaphor ever, but remember the movie “Castaway” with Tom Hanks? His plane crashed and he washed up on that island and lived there for what, seven years or three years or five (I just woke up with this in my mind, it’s 6 am so bear with me).
When he was finally rescued he was so relieved and so tired and happy and all the things you’d think he’d be. But remember when he first got back and he was in the hotel room trying to go to sleep in the bed? The comfy soft bed that he literally ached for all that time when he was stranded? He slept on the floor! He felt weird and uncomfortable back in civilization that he was finally brought back to. Did he miss the island? Doubt it. But it’s what he was used to!
I wonder if his new girlfriend he brought the package back to ever wanted to go on a tropical vacation, and he was like, “Screw you bitch! I can’t even look at a coconut without having a panic attack, let alone go to a freakin island”! I don’t see them staying together very long. At first her house out there by itself with all that sandy dirt felt comfortable and familiar, but after a while he headed to a landlocked state in the south where there were trees, hills, and grass. Wouldn’t it suck too if she had a pet named Wilson? WILSON!!!!!
It’s been forever since I’ve seen that movie, so I’m a little iffy on the details. This morning as I sit here drinking my coffee with sleep still in my eyes, that’s how it all went down.
After years of living a certain way, especially a sucky way…when you finally get to move on to a different way, is it weird and scary? I read an article written by Matt someone on Elephant Journal. His bio said, “recovered sufferer of depression”. When I saw that, I thought, “Bwah, ha ha! You’re just getting on this train aren’t you Matt? Bless his heart, he has no idea”. Then I read his article about people being addicted to depression and being addicted to being a victim. Well, I got all hot inside and I thought, ” F.U. Matt from Elephant Journal”! I was so pissed I cancelled my subscription to their online magazine. It’s people that say crap like that that makes people like me beat myself up on a daily basis. God forbid we have that “victim mentality”! We’re trying so damn hard not to play the victim card, it’s like hitting ourselves over the head with a bat over and over. “You are not a victim”. Whack. “Stop being depressed”. Whack whack. “People are going to think you’re trying to play the victim card”. Whack! Bam!
But that asshole Matt planted a seed in my head. Whenever you have a “breakthrough”, or you finally emerge from a period of depression, aren’t we scared of falling backwards and going back there? I know I am! It’s kind of hard to feel steady and confident and move forward into this new place. First of all, it’s weird and we kind of remember this life, and we have envied others who are blessed with it. Secondly, how long until I trip and fall headfirst into the hole and am back right where I started? Maybe Tom Hanks figured, I’m going to take a cruise, it’ll be fine…but you know the whole time he’s gripping those rails, thinking, “Please don’t sink…Please don’t sink”. When he’s sipping on those frozen drinks by the pool, he’s having that talk with himself. “Relax! Enjoy yourself! Everything will be fine! Don’t let anyone know you’re worried, you’re getting on their nerves with this Castaway shit”.
Like I said, worst metaphor ever. But for some reason, it was on my mind when I woke up.